Life Stages: Dating and Courtship

Young people are increasingly dating, especially in urban areas.

Interracial dating is generally frowned upon, though many urban, educated women increasingly find Western men attractive in their assertiveness.

A Growing Trend

Traditionally, Chinese throughout the country frowned upon and discouraged dating and premarital sex. A gradual change in such attitudes, however, has resulted in young people increasingly taking to dating and intimate relations, especially in the cities.

Serious dating between two people, especially those over the age of 20, may indicate serious commitment and take on the aspect of courtship.

Men and women meet each other in educational and social settings, the work environment, or through online dating agencies. Popular venues for dating include parks, cinemas, dances, or friends’ places. Couples often interact through mobile phone messaging or online instant messaging. Generally, men pay for dating expenses, and typical dating experiences include time spent at the park or cinema followed by food at a fast-food restaurant. American fast-food places are popular with Chinese teenagers as venues for dating. Couples usually date from a few months to a year or more before getting married.

Traditional Attitudes

Chinese women seek potential husbands with good looks, reserve, social skills, and earning capacity. Desirable attributes that men seek in a woman include beauty, submissiveness, homemaking skills, and the potential to contribute to the family income.

Traditionally, Chinese society frowned upon premarital sex (especially of girls), intimacy between unmarried couples, and the public display of affection by boys and girls. However, various studies indicate an increase in the acceptance of premarital sex. According to a survey, one-third of urban youth thought premarital sex should be condoned by society and that sexual experience before marriage would be good for future married life. Research shows premarital sex pervasive in China, with 40 to 90 percent active participants, depending upon the region.

The Chinese consider themselves a superior race and generally frown upon interracial dating and relations. However, in today’s economically buzzing China, many urban, educated women increasingly find Western men attractive in their assertiveness and open display of masculinity. The same does not hold true for Chinese men, intimidated by the lack of submissiveness of Western women.

Parental approval still remains necessary for dating in many parts of China. Once a couple decides to get married, the parents get involved and make all the arrangements. Marriages entirely arranged by parents also commonly occur in many parts of China, especially rural areas.